Published On: Fri, Jan 6th, 2012

‘Indecent Proposal’ We are not responsible if you die laughing.

 

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Indecent Proposal

A man walks up to a woman in a bar and says, “Excuse me, would you have sex with a man you didn’t know for one million dollars?”

She thinks about the proposition for a minute, and then
replies,”Yes, I would sleep with a man I don’t know for a million dollars.”

The man then asks,”Would you sleep with me for fifty cents?”

Insulted, the woman replies, “Of course not!! How could you ask me such a thing?”

The man states, “Well, we’ve already established the fact that you’re a whore. Now I’m just haggling over the price.”

Pay attention

“Are You Paying Attention?” A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

“You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear.”  At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man’s anus, and then licks it.

He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them.

After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.

“The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of
observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse’s anus, but I licked my index.”

What Men Really Mean. —By a Women 

“I’m going fishing.”
Really means…
“I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“Woman driver.”
Really means…
“Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.”

“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means…
“There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means…
Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response like Pavlov’s dog drooling.

“My wife doesn’t understand me.”
Really means…
“She’s heard all my stories before, and is tired of them.”

“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means…
“I have no idea how it works.”

“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
Really means…
“I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“It’s a really good movie.”
Really means…
“It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear.”

“That’s women’s work.”
Really means…
“It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”

“Go ask your mother.”
Really means…
“I am incapable of making a decision.”

“I do help around the house.”
Really means…
“I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”

“I can’t find it.”
Really means…
“It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

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