Published On: Sat, Jan 21st, 2012

Mullah Nasruddin Best Days of Life | Jokes and Stories

Chikan is for you

Mulla Nasreddin’s wife said to him at a buffet supper: “That’s the fifth time you have gone back for more fried chicken. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “NOT AT ALL,” he said. “I KEEP TELLING THEM I AM GETTING IT FOR YOU.”

Mullah_nasruddin_jokes tales and story cartoon 15

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Best Days of My Life

Mulla Nasreddin came up and shook hands with the future bridegroom. “Congratulations, friend,” he said, “on this, one of the happiest days of your life.” “But I am not getting married until tomorrow,” said the future bridegroom. “I KNOW,” said the Mulla. “THAT’S WHAT MAKES THIS ONE OF YOUR HAPPIEST DAYS.”

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Did Groom Lost or Found His Nerve

Mulla Nasreddin and his wife were gossiping about the recent wedding scandal. “Just think,” said the wife, “it was just as the bride was coming down the aisle that the groom suddenly turned and ran from the church and skipped town. I guess he lost his nerve.” “OH, I DON’T THINK SO,” said the Mulla. “I FIGURE HE FOUND IT.”

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I Saw Her

“Daddy, Daddy,” the girl cried. “Mummy has just fallen off the roof!” “I KNOW, DEAR,” said Mulla Nasreddin. “I SAW HER PASS THE WINDOW.”

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Mullah Nasreddin in Election.

The election was being challenged by the defeated candidate, Mulla Nasreddin. “I know it was crooked,” said the Mulla. “A FRIEND OF MINE VOTED FOR ME FIFTEEN TIMES IN THE THIRD PRECINCT AND I DIDN’T GET BUT FOUR VOTES THERE.”

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Which of the fellows is Best Politician

The rival political candidates were scheduled to speak at the county fair on the same program. Mulla Nasreddin was chosen to introduce them. He arose and said, “I want to present to you a man who, above anyone, has the welfare of each and every one of you at heart. More than anyone I know, he is devoted to our great and glorious nation.” Then he turned to the candidates and asked, “WHICH OF YOU FELLOWS WANTS TO TALK FIRST?”

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I have to go with the bus

Mulla Nasreddin was complaining about the slowness of the bus to the driver. After he couldn’t stand the complaining any longer, the driver said, “If you don’t like it, why don’t you get out and walk?” “I WOULD,” said the Mulla, “BUT MY WIFE IS GOING TO MEET ME AND SHE DOESN’T EXPECT ME UNTIL THIS BUS GETS THERE.”

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There is no Competition

The new man in town told Mulla Nasreddin, “I have come out here to make an honest living.” “WELL,” said the Mulla, “THERE’S NOT MUCH COMPETITION.”

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The correct no of Drinks

Mulla Nasreddin rushed into a bar and said breathlessly, “The usual, please, and hurry, I gotta catch my train.” The bartender set up five martinis in a row and the Mulla gulped the second, third and fourth, leaving the first and last drinks on the bar. Then he rushed out as rapidly as he had entered. A bystander asked the bartender why the customer left the two drinks. “Oh, he does that all the time,” said the bartender. “He says THE FIRST ONE ALWAYS TASTES TERRIBLE AND THE LAST ONE GETS HIM IN TROUBLE AT HOME.”

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Memory Problem

Mulla Nasreddin was complaining about his wife to a friend. “I don’t know what I am going to do about her,” he said. “She has the worst memory in the world.” “You mean she forgets everything?” asked his friend. “HECK, NO,” said Nasreddin. “SHE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.”

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What is Wrong with me?

“Doctor,” a woman said as she rushed into Mulla Nasreddin’s house, “I want you to tell me frankly, exactly what is wrong with me.” Nasreddin looked her over from head to foot, then said, “Madam, I have three things to tell you. First, you are about fifty pounds overweight; Second, your looks would be improved if you took off several layers of rouge and lipstick. AND THIRD, I AM NOT THE DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE IS ACROSS THE STREET.”

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Bad Table Manners of My Wife

Mulla Nasreddin went to see his lawyer about a divorce. “What grounds do you think you have for a divorce?” the lawyer asked. “It’s my wife’s manners,” said the Mulla. “She has such bad table manners that she is disgracing the whole family.” “That’s bad,” the lawyer said. “How long have you been married?” “Nine years,” said the Mulla. “If you have been able to put up with her table manners for nine years, I can’t understand why you want a divorce now,” the lawyer said. “WELL,” said Nasreddin, “I DIDN’T KNOW IT BEFORE. I JUST BOUGHT A BOOK OF ETIQUETTE THIS MORNING.”

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Terrible dream of Mullah

Mulla Nasreddin was telling his wife about a dream he had experienced the night before. “It was terrible,” he said. “I was at a birthday party at Joe’s house. His mother had baked a chocolate cake three feet high, and when she cut it everybody was given a piece that was so large that it hung over the sides of the plate. Then she dipped up some homemade ice cream. She had so much of it that she had to give each one of us our share in a soup bowl.” “What was so terrible about that dream?” asked his wife. “OH,” said Nasreddin, “I WOKE UP BEFORE I COULD GET THE FIRST TASTE.”

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Don’t Wait for Me

Mulla Nasreddin said to his wife, “My dear, this article says women need more sleep than men.” “Is that right? ” she said . “YES, DEAR,” said the Mulla, “SO MAYBE YOU’D BETTER NOT WAIT UP FOR ME TONIGHT.”

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Accurate counting of votes

Mulla Nasreddin had lost out in the last election and was feeling sorry for himself. “I was a victim,” he said, “nothing but a victim.” “A victim?, asked a friend. “A victim of what?” “A VICTIM OF ACCURATE COUNTING,” said Nasreddin.

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Nasruddin’s opinion

A young playwright gave a special invitation to Mulla Nasreddin to watch his new play. The Mulla came to the play, but slept through the entire performance. The young playwright was indignant and said, “How could you sleep when you knew how much I wanted your opinion?” “YOUNG MAN,” said Nasreddin, “SLEEP IS AN OPINION.”

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