Published On: Fri, Feb 3rd, 2012

Mullah Nasruddin Jokes and Tales : Is Your Wife at Home

Is Your Wife at Home ?

Mulla Nasrudin thought he was going to die with a toothache. He asked his friend, “What can I do to relieve the pain?” “I will tell you what I do,” his friend said. “When I have a toothache, or a pain, I go over to my wife, and she puts her arms around me, and caresses me, and soothes me until finally I forget all about the pain.” Nasrudin brightened up and said: “GEE, THAT’S WONDERFUL! IS SHE HOME NOW?”

Mullah_nasruddin_jokes tales and story cartoon 13

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Mullah and a Blonde

“Oh, what a funny-looking cow, without Horns” A blonde-girl said to Mulla Nasruddin. “There are many reasons,” said Nasrudin, “why a cow does not have horns. Some do not grow them until late in life. Others are dehorned. Some breeds are not supposed to have horns. AND, THIS PARTICULAR COW DOES NOT HAVE HORNS BECAUSE IT IS A HORSE!”

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Confused Mulla 

Mulla Nasrudin came home and was told by his wife that the cook had quit. “Again?” moaned the Mulla. “What was the matter this time?” “You were!” said his wife. “She said you used insulting language to her over the phone this morning.” “GOOD GRIEF! ” said Nasrudin. “I AM SORRY, I THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO YOU. ”

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My station is Near

The bus was crowded when the little old lady got on, and Mulla Nasrudin stood up. She pushed the Mulla back gently and said, “No, thanks.” Nasrudin tried to rise again and she pushed him back a second time. Finally, Nasrudin said to her, “PLEASE LET ME GET UP, LADY, I AM TWO BLOCKS PAST MY Station NOW.”

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Mullah Never Pays

Mulla Nasrudin lived far beyond his means and was constantly hounded by his creditors. But he was so used to them that their presence caused him no distress. In fact, he treated them with the utmost courtesy. Once he even served a bill collector champagne. “If you cannot afford to pay your debts,” the bill collector demanded, “how can you afford to serve champagne?” “DON’T GET SORE,” said Nasrudin, “I ASSURE YOU, THIS HASN’T BEEN PAID FOR EITHER, SIR.”

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Question of Election

Mulla Nasrudin had been working day and night throughout his district in a life or death struggle for reelection. He was relaxing one evening, following a speech, in the home of a friend. “I have heard your speeches,” his friend said, “but I think the real question is what you will do if you are reelected.” “NO,” said Nasrudin, “THE REAL QUESTION IS WHAT WILL I DO IF I AM NOT.”

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Only When I Laugh

A young preacher was just getting acquainted with his duties. One of his first chores was to visit the hospital where Mulla Nasrudin, a member of his flock, was confined as a result of an automobile accident. The Mulla had been seriously injured: a broken leg, both arms broken, a broken collar bone, terrible cuts over his face and head, and several broken ribs. He was so thoroughly bandaged and taped and strapped up that only his two eyes and mouth were showing. The young preacher was at a loss for words, but realized that he must say something, so he asked the Mulla: “How do you feel today? I suppose all of those broken bones and cuts cause a great deal of pain. Do you suffer very much?” “NO, NOT MUCH,” said Nasrudin, “ONLY WHEN I LAUGH.”

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Wonderful Living

A mechanic sold a car he had fixed up and repaired to his friend, Mulla Nasrudin. The next day he was sorry he sold it, so he went to see the Mulla. “I will buy the car back from you,” he said, “and give you fifty dollars’ profit.” So Nasrudin sold him the car. The following day, he looked up the mechanic. “I am sorry I sold the car back to you,” the Mulla said. “I will give you seventy-five dollars’ profit for it.” So the Mulla bought the car back. The next day, the mechanic was sorry he sold it and bought it back again, giving Nasrudin one hundred dollars profit. The following day, the Mulla came to buy it back, but learned that the mechanic had sold it to a used-car dealer. “YOU DOPE! WHY DID YOU SELL IT TO A STRANGER?” said Nasrudin, “ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE BOTH MAKING SUCH A WONDERFUL LIVING OUT OF IT.”

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Devil and Sister

Mulla Nasrudin was drinking too much. So much that it began to worry his friends. Finally, they figured out a plan to cure him. The plan was for one of them to dress up like a devil, with horns and a pitchfork. They planned to scare the Mulla into giving up drink. Late one night,as Nasrudin headed home drunk, his friend jumped from behind a tree and shouted, “You will have to s drinking!” “Who are you?” asked the Mulla. “I am the devil,” said his friend. “OH, YOU ARE THE DEVIL,” said Nasrudin. “I AM GLAD TO MEET YOU. I AM THE GUY WHO MARRIED YOUR SISTER.”

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Mullah Boy Never lies

Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbour, when his boy came up the road carrying a chicken. “Where did you get that chicken?” Nasrudin asked his boy. “Stole it,” said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, “THIS IS MY BOY. HE MAY STEAL, BUT HE WON’T LIE.”

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Be Realistic

Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were lying on the green grass beside a country road. Above them was the warm sun. Birds were singing in the trees. It was quiet, restful, and a peaceful scene. “Boy,” said the Mulla, “right now I would not change places with anybody not for a million dollars.” “How about five million, Mulla?” asked his friend. “No, not even for five million,” said the Mulla. “Well,” said the other, “how about one dollar?” Mulla Nasrudin sat up. “WELL,” he said, “THAT’S DIFFERENT. NOW YOU ARE TALKING REAL MONEY.”

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Worse Mistake

“Where have you been for the last two hours?” demanded the man’s wife. “I MET MULLA NASRUDIN IN FRONT OF THE POST OFFICE AND MADE THE MISTAKE OF ASKING HIM HOW HE WAS FEELING,” said the man.

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Gave Up Smoking

Mulla Nasrudin: “A pack of cigarettes, please.” Clerk: “Yes, Sir, regular or king size?” Nasrudin: “King size.” Clerk: “Filter or plain?” Nasrudin: “Filter.” Clerk: “Menthol or non-menthol?” Nasrudin: “Non-menthol.” Clerk: “Pack or box?” Nasrudin: “Box.” Clerk: “Turkish blend or — ” Nasrudin: “FORGET IT PLEASE! I JUST GAVE UP THE HABIT!”

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Do Some Social Work

Mulla Nasrudin called on the minister and told him a distressing story of poverty and misery in the neighborhood. “This poor widow,” said the Mulla, “with four starving children to feed, is sick in bed with no money for the doctor, and besides that she owes $100 rent for three months and is about to be evicted. I’m out trying to help raise the rent money. I wondered if you can help?” “I certainly can,” said the minister. “If you can give your time to this cause, so can I. By the way, who are you?” “I AM THE LANDLORD,” said Nasrudin.

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Why don’t you forget

As usual, Mulla Nasrudin showed up for supper with dirty hands and a dirty face. “Go wash up,” his wife screamed at him. “Night after night I tell you. And night after night you always come to the table without washing. Why don’t you ever do it without my shouting at you?” “WELL,” said the Mulla, “IT’S ALWAYS WORTH A TRY. WHO KNOWS? YOU MIGHT FORGET ONCE.”

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One Less Like you

The burglar was not only carrying a mean-looking gun, he also appeared to be drunk. “Get ready to die,” he said to Mulla Nasrudin. “I am going to shoot you.” “Why shoot me?” asked the Mulla. “I have always said that I would shoot anyone who looked like me,” the burglar said. “And do I look like you?” asked the Mulla. “Yes, you do,” said the burglar. “THAN GO AHEAD AND SHOOT,” said Nasrudin. “ONE LESS LIKE YOU, THE BETTER.”

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