Sperm Education is Next !! Funny Online Jokes Take a break
Funny Jokes Collection for You
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.
“As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.
Address it and say, “I’m a Sperm.” She will answer, I’m the Egg.” From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?”
The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, “Then, good luck!”
Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel.
A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm.
He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach
the red, sticky ball.
When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, “Hi, I’m a sperm.”
The red sticky ball smiles and says, “Hi. I’m a tonsil.”
When I was younger I hated going to weddings…it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ‘You’re next.’
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Anyone for a drink?
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conferencing.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the barman. “In ‘Strailya?, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, mate.”
Rob, CEO of Budweiser calls out next. “In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all – gimme a Bud”.
Hans steps up next “In Germany ve invented das beer. Give me un Helles, ze REAL King of beers.”
Jan, chief executive of Grolsch follows by stating that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.
Patrick, CEO of Guinness, steps forward. “Barman, give me a coke with ice please”.
The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces.
Eventually Bruce asks, “Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?”
Patrick replies “Well, if you bastards aren’t drinking, then neither am I.”
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
“‘House,’ in French, is feminine – ‘la maison’ and ‘Pencil,’ in French, is masculine ‘le crayon.’”
One puzzled student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn’t in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether ‘computer’ should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men’s group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computer’), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (‘le computer’), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.